[It feels as if something is choking him, some insidious panic rising and closing off his throat. He grabs the tablet quickly and responds in a sharp snapped bark.]
Tell me everything, spare no detail. Now, Hawkeye.
[He needs all the data, all the information, to extrapolate if this is likely one of the illusions where John will return unscathed, or-- or the unthinkable.]
[ Well, that's not a reaction Clint was expecting, but he is so startled that he can't help but do what Sherlock says. ]
We - were making our way down to the tunnels. We've been carrying him because he can't walk well. We put him down for a second, just to rest, check the tablets. It was maybe a minute or two? We weren't looking, and the anomaly was quiet. She... she came out of the snow and grabbed him. He went unconscious and they both vanished into the snow.
[His voice gains a slightly manic edge as he keeps talking, faster and faster as he goes. He's spiralling into fear already and he can't stop it. This isn't a situation where he can help by finding the fastest route to a church. John isn't in danger, he's dead.
Probably.
He has to hold onto that, this might not be true. It could be more illusion.]
You haven't given me enough detail. Start from the beginning. What time of day was it precisely? What position was John in? How many travelling companions are they, and what positions were they all in? Describe the anomaly - you said 'she', give a more accurate snapshot of her physicality and movements. How did it- Were there wounds visible before he was dragged away? Did any of you give chase? Did you see him die?!
[ Whoa, whoa. Clint is just quietly gonna snap into superhero mode, here. ]
It was morning. An hour or so after lockdown ended, maybe. There were four of us, and we took a break for just a second. Nat and I were up front. Bucky put John down for just - just a second. I didn't see the anomaly too well before she vanished but she had brown hair. And - there wasn't a chase, he didn't die by being stabbed or anything, he... they just sunk down into the snow. She was quiet and quick and she pulled him under. John didn't really even get a chance to - to say anything, we just looked away for a second.
[ The guilt gathers up and makes his voice tight. ] I don't - I'm sorry.
[ Clint feels awful about this, but he's not going to just let Sherlock stamp all over him. Maybe his voice breaks in the middle, but he's still loud and a little angry when he replies. ]
No, screw you. I didn't have to tell you at all! I could've let you see it on the obituaries. He was my friend too. I told you as much as I can, don't ask me what good are you. We were going to carry him to you and all he could talk about was how worried he was that he wasn't gonna be able to keep up with you because he couldn't fucking walk.
Don't give me what good are you. I was doing more for him than you were.
And somehow all of that sterling work you were doing wasn't enough. The guilt in your voice is palpable, how many people have you allowed to die on your watch now? You are less than useless.
[He becomes vicious when he's upset, he can't help it, diving straight for the weak points that are so glaring to him.]
You call yourself a superhero and you must taste the lie on your own tongue. There are no heroes, much less super ones, and you could not hold claim to the title even if it did exist. Do not preach to me of your great deeds because you deigned to inform me of your failure.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
audio;
Tell me everything, spare no detail. Now, Hawkeye.
[He needs all the data, all the information, to extrapolate if this is likely one of the illusions where John will return unscathed, or-- or the unthinkable.]
no subject
We - were making our way down to the tunnels. We've been carrying him because he can't walk well. We put him down for a second, just to rest, check the tablets. It was maybe a minute or two? We weren't looking, and the anomaly was quiet. She... she came out of the snow and grabbed him. He went unconscious and they both vanished into the snow.
no subject
[His voice gains a slightly manic edge as he keeps talking, faster and faster as he goes. He's spiralling into fear already and he can't stop it. This isn't a situation where he can help by finding the fastest route to a church. John isn't in danger, he's dead.
Probably.
He has to hold onto that, this might not be true. It could be more illusion.]
You haven't given me enough detail. Start from the beginning. What time of day was it precisely? What position was John in? How many travelling companions are they, and what positions were they all in? Describe the anomaly - you said 'she', give a more accurate snapshot of her physicality and movements. How did it- Were there wounds visible before he was dragged away? Did any of you give chase? Did you see him die?!
no subject
It was morning. An hour or so after lockdown ended, maybe. There were four of us, and we took a break for just a second. Nat and I were up front. Bucky put John down for just - just a second. I didn't see the anomaly too well before she vanished but she had brown hair. And - there wasn't a chase, he didn't die by being stabbed or anything, he... they just sunk down into the snow. She was quiet and quick and she pulled him under. John didn't really even get a chance to - to say anything, we just looked away for a second.
[ The guilt gathers up and makes his voice tight. ] I don't - I'm sorry.
no subject
[It's a snarl.]
You call yourself Hawkeye and you miss all the details, you miss everything important. You--
[He cuts off abruptly, breathing a ragged pant.]
no subject
No, screw you. I didn't have to tell you at all! I could've let you see it on the obituaries. He was my friend too. I told you as much as I can, don't ask me what good are you. We were going to carry him to you and all he could talk about was how worried he was that he wasn't gonna be able to keep up with you because he couldn't fucking walk.
Don't give me what good are you. I was doing more for him than you were.
no subject
[He becomes vicious when he's upset, he can't help it, diving straight for the weak points that are so glaring to him.]
You call yourself a superhero and you must taste the lie on your own tongue. There are no heroes, much less super ones, and you could not hold claim to the title even if it did exist. Do not preach to me of your great deeds because you deigned to inform me of your failure.
[And with that, he just hangs the hell up.]